Forced Creativity

I've been struggling with finding my muse.  Preparing for my first show has been much harder than I anticipated.  I knew it might be a challenge. I've never painted "on demand."  I don't think it is so much the pressure of needing a booth full of paintings, although that is weighing on me a little.  It is more the feeling of needing to paint something that will sell.  That is what makes art hard.  I want it to be a little bit of my heart on the canvas.  I truly believe in "heart centered" art.  Where the sentiment and expression of a piece is as important, if not more so, than technical difficulty.  All that to say, when you are painting for an event, it is super hard not to try to create things you think people will want to buy.  The thought of filling a tent full of paintings that I love but no one wants, is terrifying.   I feel like I shouldn't be admitting this but I am being candid here.  It scares the hell out of me.  Because I try to put so much of myself into my paintings, they are very personal.  That makes this whole situation all the more intimidating.   I've been actively attempting to clear my head when I approach a canvas.  To put aside the thoughts of what might sell and just let my thoughts and feelings pour out. I've actually created several paintings that I really happy with.

24 x 16 inches, acrylic on canvas

This was inspired by the tree branches on my run the other day (photo below). I am so exited for spring but I will miss the beautiful  barren branches.   I feel like it is chaotic.  But, I feel like it is reflective of how I've been feeling.  I've been overwhelmed.  We've been transitioning to a new work schedule for Jason and it has thrown the whole household out of alignment. While I generally come across upbeat (well, I think I do) I feel like, under the surface, there is this dark and brooding side of my personality  And, occasionally, it has to come out like it did in this painting.

12 x 12 inch, acrylic on canvas

This painting is so bold.  I'm not even sure where it came from.  It just flowed out of me.  I love the loud intensity of the colors.  Can I be honest?  The sky on this painting started as an accident.  I dropped a bottle of ink on it.  I just decided to work with it and I loved how it turned out!

I've been on this journey as I try to discover my style and voice.  I feel like I am moving in the right direction.  These prints are available on Etsy. So, there is a taste of what I've been working on.  I have several other paintings in progress and a few others finished   I didn't take into account how little my house is. I feel like I have art stashed everywhere!  I also have made a few reclaimed wood signs for the show as well as a painting I did using masking tape!  I hope to get the masking tape painting up soon.  I thought I'd post a little tutorial about the process.

PS.  My painting got photo bombed by Henry!

P.P.S.  I post photos of my "works in progress" on Instagram (@jaimebarks) and on Facebook if you want to follow along.