22 Months

This weekend Alex turned 22 months old.  It is the exact age Henry was when Alex was born.  I'm not sure why, but it feels like a big milestone to me.  When Henry was this age, he seemed so grown up to me.  I didn't really have a frame of reference.  As an adult I hadn't spent much time around babies.  At the time, Henry seemed big, and compared to a new born he was.  A 22 month old can walk, talk and exercise his own preferences.  When I look at Alex, all I see is a baby.  He is still a baby.  I keep thinking, "Was Henry really this little when Alex was born?"  Henry was a baby too!  Did I miss out a little on Henry's growing up because I was busy with a newborn? Although, truthfully I feel like I missed out on Alex's first year because I was juggling life with a two year old (and all manor of personal issues).  Maybe it is just that Alex is my last baby, but I just can't help but think that he is still so little.  I mean, he is small for his age but even beyond that.  I know he isn't really a baby. He is growing up everyday. He is talking now, so clearly.  He is picking up new phrases every day.  More and more he is speaking in sentences.   A hundred times a day I hear his sweet little voice calling "Henry, were are you?"  And in that moment, I let go of all of my doubt.  Yes, having the boys so close together was tough.  And no, I wouldn't recommend it because you might loose your mind.   But now that I see them growing up together, I am so happy how things turned out and I cherish every minute.

When I see those little blond boys bopping along together, hand in hand, it fills my heart with joy.  It makes the sleepless nights and endless amounts of gross things I've had to clean up (ie vomit in my hair!) totally worth it.  I'm not saying I'm going to forget how rough it has been, oh no, I'm writing it down. I want to remember.  I want to be that older woman who says to the new mom in target "I know this is hard, but you are doing awesome."  I'm not going to say "treasure this time, it is the best time of your life."  Because, no mom with two small screaming children wants to hear that.  In that moment, it is NOT the best time of your life.  Not even a little bit. There are days I didn't shower or brush my teeth.  Days I didn't get a chance to get dressed.  Days in which I cried in public because I was so overwhelmed.  I want to remember the stress, so I can have empathy.  But, I know that watching these guys grow up side by side is going to make the craziness of the last 22 months worth it.  I am blessed. Blessed beyond words.  I feel that the overwhelming stress is being replaced with over whelming joy.

I love that they have each other.  Jason and I have siblings (who we love so very much) but we never experienced having a sibling close to us in age.  There is something so magical about watching them play together.  The way Alex follows Henry around. Or the way Henry will put his arm around his brother to lead him off to play.   I can see them forming their own bond, apart from Jason and I.  It makes my heart swell.  Yes, it has been a wild 22 months but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Alex coming into our lives was the best thing for all of us.  I needed his smile, fearless nature and enthusiasm for life to help inspire me.  Jason needed a daddy's boy, who often prefers daddy snuggles to mommy cuddles. And Henry, he needed a best friend.  Someone to share secrets and get into mischief with.  Someone to give him courage and love.  And, someone to stand up to.   Henry can be timid and he needed to learn that it is okay to stand up for himself.  Alex is helping with this by his occasional tendency to somewhat bully him.  And, likewise Alex needs Henry to help temper his larger than life will, as it is often the little one leading the big one to the top of the playground. I love how they seem to balance each other. Even at this young age, you see how they need each other. Alex perfectly rounds out our family.  My sweet baby.

 

P.S.  You moms with more than two kids are my freaking heroes!  I don't know if you are brave or clinically insane for having lots of kids but either way I have wild admiration for you.  You are more of a woman than I am. Motherhood is hard across the board, with one kid or ten. I admire all moms but I have mad respect for you mommas rocking big families.