A quiet Christmas

When I was a kid Christmas was a big, loud event that was packed to the gills with extended family.  We would have these huge Christmas eve parties and then a big Christmas day lunch.  Over the years, my family has changed.  My family members have moved and my mom passed away.  As an adult, I have struggled to decided what my family Christmas should look like.  The first year we didn't travel I tried to recreate my mother's holiday.  Same food.  Same schedule. But, a Christmas eve party with two people (before kids) just felt a little empty.  Making all the same food I cooked with my mother without her was exceedingly painful.  We've sorta floundered with Christmas.  Each year a little different.  Trying different meals and different ideas.  I love tradition but it just seemed like we couldn't find our grove.  What was our families Christmas going to look like?  This year, I think we found our tradition.  Quiet.  Simple. Peaceful.  I tend to be a person who likes a fuss.  Big meals and table settings make me happy. But, they also can be a lot of work. December is just a busy time.  As the end of the month approached I just felt tried. I decided to think outside the box for Christmas.  I actually spent sometime thinking about how I wanted to spend Christmas.  I wanted to spend it with my family.  Not cooking. Not cleaning.  So, I skipped the whole big Christmas dinner.  We had snacks and goodies through out the day on Christmas Eve. No big meal.  Just snacking, playing, decorating pre-made cookies, writing letters to Santa and watching the polar express. We did have a Christmas Brunch with our nice table linens (that my sister MADE),  but we ate it in our PJs.  We had no time frame. I sat and watched the kids play after they opened gifts. I never even looked at the clock.  Anyone who has ever cooked a big meal knows there is lots of planning and watching the time.  There was none of that. I was just in the moment.  It was perfect.  We had a simple soup for dinner.  We snacked on kale chips, listened to NPR, played trains, played on the kinect.  Just soaked up the sweet moments. It was wonderful.   We spent two days curled up in our cozy home together.   It was bliss.  I think I've found our tradition.  Quiet pajama Christmas   Yes, it looks very different from the Christmases of my childhood.  And yes, I missed my chaos of a big family gathering (and my family). But, there was something that just felt right about our laid back holiday.  Our boys will have very different memories of the holidays than I did.   Part of that difference makes me sad.  I grew up around so much family.  There would be 20 plus people at holiday functions. It was very different from us four Barks.  But, different isn't always bad.  It is just different.  I think that is what I gained from this Christmas.  It is okay to be different. Instead of trying to mimic my childhood Christmases, I just let go this year.  I let our family start new traditions.  Traditions that fit us.  And in doing so I'm not lessening my memories of my mother, I am creating new memories for my boys.  Here is to change and love and family and remembering that what matters is the time we spend, not how we do it.

While we are on the topic of Christmas . . . .  this year was so much fun.  I mentioned wanting to take it easy with the whole Santa thing.  After a couple of weeks Henry, on his own, stopped asking if it was pretend.  He just started to believe.  Oh, he believes and it is the sweetest thing in the whole world.  And, in the same way that I didn't want to go out of my way to make him think there was a Santa, I just couldn't bring myself to tell him he wasn't real.  I just let him dream. He was so excited on Christmas morning.  We hid in the doorway and watched him run out of his room.  His face was priceless.  He immediately yelled "santa brought me presents."  I just leaned down and gave him the biggest hug and said "yes Henry, he did."

 

And Alex, sweet spunky Alex.  He was so overwhelmed he couldn't decided what to do.  He was up and down and all over the place.  Babbling about all kinds of funny things.  He adored his trains.  He just kept saying 'Choo Choo.'  He also kept insisting it was Halloween. For the most part the boys played so well together over the holiday.  I have so many photos of them laughing and playing together.  It makes my heart swell. I am so glad Alex joined our lives.  And more and more, I am really happy they are so close in age. Especially since we don't have family close, I was glad that Henry had Alex is play with.

I hope all of you had a magical holiday.

PS.  This December marked our 10 year dating anniversary.  We've been a couple for a decade.  On our first date, we went to Rock City to see the Christmas lights.  I know it is cheesy but it just feels romantic to me. We managed to take the boys on Sunday night.  It was the first time we've been in a couple of years.  I had this vision of posting a photo of us now (with the boys) and then.  But we have two very active children.  When we finally wrangled the children enough for a family photo the poor guy who we asked to take it was technologically challenged.  So, no family picture.  But, we went and it was lovely. It was still romantic, in a totally different yet equally awesome way.