3.14.2012

Salt

This weekend would have been my mom's birthday.  This is the 5th birthday that she hasn't been with us. There aren't even words for how difficult it was for me.   I miss her so much.  I know it sounds odd in some ways, but the time almost makes it harder.  I think it is the monumental amount of change that has occured in my life.  I've had two babies since she's been gone.  I just hate that she missed the chance to meet them and that they won't ever know her.  I was all over the place this weekend, one minute all I wanted to do was talk about her and the next minute I couldn't even glance at her picture without bursting into tears. There are so many things that I want to talk to her about.  Things I wish i could have asked her about motherhood. I mean, we would have just disagreed because we butted heads 90% of time.  We were both insanely stubborn.  But, I miss having the chance to argue with her about various parenting strageies.  I wonder if she would be proud of me?  What would she think of my choices?  Would she think I was strong or weak?  What about my choice not to work?  It meant so much to her that I graduated from college but (let's be honest) I don't really need a 4-year degree to be a stay at home mom.  Basically, I just wish I could have coffee with her.  I want to talk to her, argue with her and tell her all about my wonderful little boys. Life just isn't fair. It is so short and fragile.

scan102

I did find this great quote while I was poking around online.


sketch

I would loved to have been at the beach this weekend.  The ocean is such a special place for my family.  We scattered my mom's ashes at sea.  Unfortunately, I couldn't make the trip but I did get in plenty of tears and some sweat in the form of a mind clearing run. Can you see the greasy toddler thumb print?

Since I had the scanner out I thought I'd upload a few other random sketch pages.  I love doodling words and phrases.  It is a great way to mediate on something, the entire time I am working on page I found myself thinking about the words and what they mean to me.  It has been a great discipline.

sketch-3


sketch-1



sketch-4

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