Reflections on Pregnancy: Pre-Mommyhood

It is official, I am going to be a mom. Despite months of preparation - we have a plethora of baby items thanks to our awesome friends and family - I still feel unprepared.  I just don't think you can truly prepare yourself mentally for what a huge, life altering change becoming a parent is going to be.  Jason and I have tried to get ready, but the conversations tend to just be single sentence statements such as . . . "whoa, we are going to have a baby" followed by a contemplative silence.  No matter how much one reads, there is no way to really prepare for what is about to happen.  I feel we are prepared for labor and delvery but I am talking about once all the excitment is gone and we are sent home all alone with an infant to care for.  I had a dream a while back where I kept asking the nurse "are you sure you want to send that baby home with us? We know nothing about children, maybe this has been one bug giant mistake."  Truthfully that is how I feel, more than once in the past month have I questioned my sanity.  Why did I think that having a baby was a good idea? I realize I sound awful.  Maybe I am the only "would be" parent to think like this.  If that is the case this little one might be screwed from birth.

As for the pregnancy its self.  It was WAY more than I bargained for (hope I don't feel this way about the baby).  I entered into in it blindly.  In my ignorance I thought it was going to be about a cute belly, ice cream and pickles.  I never imagined what a tole it takes on your body to grow a baby.  I didn't account for the fatigue, the back aches, the mood swings, the swelling, the nausea and the constant need to urinate.  Those of you without children, consider this your warning.  Pregnancy is not easy - this is why there is birth control.  You don't get to really enjoy the "look at me and belly stage" until you are at the end. By this point in pregnancy you will find yourself wanting to hit the stranger who says "oh you are sooo cute."  I want to scream "Cute! Have you seen my cankles?"  Although, my big belly does occasionally bring me joy.  There are sweet moments like the little girl over the weekend that stared at me for a few moments and then declared "I bet your having a baby!"  She was entirely to cute to cuss at. 

I suppose you could sum up my current mood with a conversation Jason and I had this morning. 

Jason: "My wife is a prickly pear."

Jaime: "Do you want this prickly pear to punch you in the face?"

Jason:  "and that is exactly what I am talking about." 

Jaime:  *Rolls eyes in the most obnoxious fashion and goes back to checking her email.*

He claims I should be nice to my husband who has been taking care of me.  He has been good to me.  However, I use all my niceness up on friends, co-workers and the general public. I have a feeling that Jason is just going to have to get used to grumpy Jaime, she will be here until the baby is born (and possibly a few weeks after).