After thinking about it, I'm going to choose life. I am going to focus on what I have. Today is a beautiful day the sun is shinning and birds are singing. My little house is tidy, I have bread rising and the boys have been so delightful. I'm going to take nap time to look at old pictures and remember my mom (and cry a lot). But, when they wake up I am going to choose to be present. There is no use in me getting angry about something I can't control or change. I don't know why she had to get cancer and die but she did. I'm going to choose to be happy. I think we will celebrate, I'm going to make cookies with the boys in her old yellow bowl. The same bowl I made countless batches of cookies in with her. And I think, for this year at least, I won't share with them the significance of March 10th. Maybe when they are older we can talk about her on her birthday. But this year I am just going to be keep the important of the day to myself. I will tuck away all my memories and stories to share with the boys when they are a little bit older. I'm going to try to make the most out of the blessing of life and the chance I have to spend my days with these wild little boys. I know she would have loved them. Happy birthday mom I love you and miss you more than you will ever know.
P.S. I'd give anything to be able to be at the beach today. The ocean is a special place for my family (so many memories). We scattered my mom's ashed at sea. I would love to smell the salt air and feel the sand on my toes. I also miss my family so very much. I hate that we all live so far away from each other. I love you all dearly, wherever you are.